A minor breakdown…

I wrote the following a couple of weeks ago. I have not been sure whether to post it or not because of fear of upsetting family that might read it. I have decided to post because it is about my own journey and the challenges I face.

I think I’m having an emotional breakdown. It happens from time to time when I’m trying to be tough about something and then all of a sudden I fall apart.

I have tried to be tough about the situation with my family regarding me no longer believing as they do. It has been difficult to deal with the rumors and people I was once extremely close with no longer wanting to talk to me. My parents living in another state has helped me deal with a lot of it. I haven’t had to deal with a lot of this in person which has been rather nice.

I found out today that my parents are most likely moving and will be living within driving distance to me. I should be excited. I should be looking forward to my kids being able to play with their grandparents and my mom watching the kids so my husband and I can get away for a while. Instead I’m sitting here crying. I know my mom will not understand why I won’t leave her alone with the kids. Or why we won’t go visit them as much. I just don’t feel comfortable being around her much or leaving the kids with her when she has gone around telling people that my kids might not be safe with me.  I love my family very much. Some of them have made it clear that they don’t know how to have a relationship with me due to my disbelief.  I have backed off of calling or visiting family as much because I don’t want them to feel awkward when I’m around.

My mother is fantastic with kids. Although she feels it is important to teach people what she considers to be the “truth”. I don’t want my kids to be indoctrinated.

I already have to deal with a few people not wanting to talk to me because of rumors and misconceptions. That is heartbreaking in itself. Now I know I will be faced with a lot more challenges and I’m not ready for all that pain.

I also found out that my only sister is having another baby after trying for 9 years. I should be thrilled. And I am happy for her. I just know it won’t be the same now that she is not talking to me much.  She and I used to be extremely close. Now months go by that I don’t hear from her. She has told me she doesn’t know what to say to me anymore.

Normally I am able to not let this bother me in my daily life, but today it was just too many blows for me to handle.

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2 thoughts on “A minor breakdown…

  1. Your momma loves you with all her heart. She doesn’t have to push anything on you or your children. She will not try to be where she is not wanted. It’s all been given to our Lord God Almighty and He will take care of it all. Your momma

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